Final essay number one

Villain and Superhero in one...

Strong, Brave, Smart, Independent, Thoughtful, and Wise beyond her years are just a few of the qualities that represent the woman who is my mother. Absent, Jealous, Intentions of being there, Busy, and clueless to what is going on, are qualities that represent the parent who is my mother. How can one woman possess these very different characteristics and be the same person?

Christmas time last year Grandpa was in the hospital due to needing a five bypass surgery on his heart. He is a 78 year old man with a history of cancer, infections, diabetes, and whatever else you face at his age. Things did not look very good. The whole family was a mess, including me. My aunt, who had not been home in three years to see the family since she moved away, flew home. My uncle who lives in California came back to Jersey, and most of my grandfather’s girlfriend’s family was all there. No one was sure what the outcome was going to be for this is a serious surgery for anyone, specially an old man. Amongst all the insanity there was a breath of fresh air. One person who kept everyone calm, who gathered all of the people close and spoke the them giving assurance that in the end all would be ok, just as Moses did for the Israelites. She was our savior, and this woman was my mother. She was worried and hurting too, but put that aside to care for everyone else. She knew that there needed to be someone that was holding us all together, and without hesitation she stood up and took the job. There were nights that I heard her crying when she thought no one was around, but how could she not. Everyone needs time to breathe and let out emotion, even the heroines like her.


My mother the heroine, she was the one person in the family who always had her suit of armor on underneath her dress. Being the oldest she was the protector of the Tooley’s, seeing what no one else could, keeping the clan safe and sheltered. Although she was not always thanked for her work, or told she did a job well done, recognition is not what she seeked. It was seeing her family together, and making it through another obstacle in one piece. This is the woman who I envy and find myself taking after.


Then there is the parent who I strive to be as different as possible from, the parent who never seemed to have time for me, and never could tell just how much I was hurting. Junior year of high school I went from being 127 pounds to weighing 110 pounds in a matter of two months. My bones were popping out, I could not sleep, when I did eat, my body was in such need of nutrients I put on no weight, and I spent almost every night crying myself to sleep. This was my life. There was no way you could ignore the changes that had occurred within me, specially being my mother how could one not notice? Well she noticed alright, this parent of mine, and she made an effort to try and find out what was wrong, but after I shut her out after a few tries she backed off. SHE BACKED OFF! I was 16 years old, going through a horrible break-up, losing my mind by the minute and she just let me be. Where was her suit of armor now? Why did she not use her super strength and knock down my walls, no matter how many obstacles she had to cross, wasn’t I worth saving? Her daughter, her so called life, and I was left to fight my own battle, a battle I am still fighting today.


I was left to fight alone, while superwoman was off saving others. A group of men who were sexually abused when they were younger had formed an online group, looking for a bright light of strength to help them. She was there and spent hours a day with these men. Listening, giving advice, and being exactly what they needed. Headline: Men Beaten, Battered, and Destroyed Saved by an Everyday Woman Looking to Help. If recognition was given that would have been the title of an article. I would come home from school, work, or just being out and she would either be on the computer e-mailing these men back and forth, or on the phone strategizing how to save someone who went a-wall. Most people forget about men who were raped and emotionally hurt, but not this woman. She reached out and made a difference for these men, and saved a handful of lives. It takes one hell of a woman to talk a person out of committing suicide. I can only hope to possess the compassion and strength that she has.


This site that my parent was a part of needed her, but so did I. Freshmen year of college something happened to me that caused me to relapse back into my depression. Someone hurt me, took my trust, threw it on the ground and spit on it; leaving me with a broken heart and a nasty souvenir. While I tried to fight back, I lost, and my grades had to pay the price. So I headed home in May with my head sulking and heart hurting. My parent, thought that I was partying too much and was not able to handle college life, so she grounded me for the whole summer. I was too weak to even argue at the time, but where was her compassion then? Why could she listen to these men with all their problems and care for them so, but when her daughter needed her, she turned the other cheek and sat down at her desk to write an e-mail. This e-mail was to one of the men that she had been helping, she was looking for some advice, so she turned to him. The rule in my house with the computer was, you leave it up its fair game, and I wish she never left this up. Dear X, I fear that I have spoiled my daughter. She is so selfish and ungrateful. I have given her all the things she has wanted and doing poorly in school is how she repays me. I have always been so nice about things, I think this time I am going to have to put my foot down and punish her. This is of course is not word for word what she said, but it was something along these lines. I was selfish; she gave me everything I wanted, I would have taken having the woman that she is as my parent, over any material item. I was tempted to write another e-mail for both them to read, explaining what had happened and really giving it to him and her, but it was not worth it.


How is it that you can be so proud and so angry at the same person? How can you want to scream, yell and cry at a parent, and give an award for the woman that she is? What do you do when you look at a person and smile and as you give them a hug, a fire begins to burn inside of you and you have to pull away? As I get older I possess more and more qualities of the heroine, adding my own little tweak to the way I handle things. I am or like to think I am the Superhero of the Quinn’s. I strive to help those who need me, to be there for family, and to make people smile whenever possible. I hope to be even more successful then my mother, but to learn from her all that I can. She has endured a lot in her life, and is a magnificently tough individual, being like her, would be an honor.


I have not yet reached the part of my life where I am to be a parent, someone who has a life in their hands and is 100% responsible for the well being of that person. When this day comes, I do not want to be like the parent that I have. To even type these words is painful, because although I know my parent loves me, she messed up. She needed to be there, being my protector, savior, and mother. My shoulder to cry on, my person to turn to, the one who was always on my side, the one who was ALWAYS there, the one who saw through my walls, and the one who no matter how hard things were, never gave up. I wanted her and I needed her, in fact I still do. So what do you do when your mother and parent are the same person? How do you tell the two apart? Heroine and Villain become one person, except I am the only one without the rose colored glasses, so I alone can see both. Looking at her looking in the mirror I see a working woman who could save the world, and then the reflection of a broken parent who knows nothing of her mistakes. While I may be angry and hurt at my parent; and proud and envious of my mother, the truth is I love them both. When it comes to love these two people become one, but love is not always enough.