Blog number 21

Going through Theils idea's for revision I decided to chose number one on page 90 which reads: Look at a short piece of your nonfiction. What details are most crucial to creating the tone of the piece? Are there any important details you can identify that need further elaboration?

I chose a piece of writing that we worked on September 14Th, I believe the prompt was to write about scars that we have on our bodies. I wrote to following

Left leg, to the right of my shin, lies a large circle that is a dim, pinkish, purple bruise. It is there every day of my life and has been for the past two years. When I get cold its color resembles that of a child who's lips turn blue because the refuse to get out of the pool. This scar on my body is more than an ugly marking that needs to be covered up every time i wear a skirt or dress. Looking down at my damaged leg is like an automatic flashback to the most frightening night of my life. The accident. This abnormality invokes fear into my bones, visions of terror, but also a feeling of safety; my friend may even call it a life saver.

The tone of this piece is a disgust with a scar on my body. I feel that this comes across by the way it is explained and the words that are used. Such as ugly, abnormality, and the fact that it needs to be covered up. These details are needed so the audience can truly understand that it is not supposed to be there, and I do not want it to be there.

To make this into a longer piece and to elaborate on the scar its self I would need an insane amount of details added. The description of the scar itself would need to be more elaborate, I could add what happens to it when I am hot, or right after the shower. Showing that when i change so does my scar. Also because I stated that it invokes fear, i would need to give examples of what i see when i have my flashback of that night. I could talk about what it looked like when it first happened, a couple days after, once it really began to heal, and other peoples reactions to it. I did an essay about scars for the first part of the semester, but now that I am looking at this piece and exploring how i could revise it; i think this would make an excellent essay choice for essay number four, or something along those lines.